I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
