A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
