hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
