I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
