Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
