you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
