When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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