Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Come see our sink grown plant.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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