R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize