I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
