im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
