youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
