I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
