thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
well most of my day revolves around power hour
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Randomize
