he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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