I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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