Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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