I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
