if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
