ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
