Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
