Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
