Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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