Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
