I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
