I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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