Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is it penis luge time yet?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
