its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
