her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
