this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
