I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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