i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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