He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
