She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
