i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
