Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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