i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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