maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
