Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
tell me about the fingering
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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