Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
50% drunk capacity currently
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
