garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
