Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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