Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
