I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Green mimosas i think yes
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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