we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
