dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
