Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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