Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize