okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
