i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize