But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
