At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
