She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
