i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
