he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
