wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
