Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
