I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
