did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
