My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
