I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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