just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
