I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
