why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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