we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I've blown a few things in my day
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
