I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
