I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
