I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize